


Why are all the signs in Sindarin?

by metaphilosophical



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dramatic lighting, During The Hobbit, Nori is a Little Shit, One Shot, Rivendell | Imladris, Totally Gen, he's sneekin, i just had writers block and yeah this came out, not beta read we die like men, silly encounters, talking shit about thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphilosophical/pseuds/metaphilosophical
Summary: The dwarf sighed. “Yer a pesky little thing, aren’t ya?” Nori untangled himself from Bilbo and straightened his tunic. “Well, Master Baggins, if you just must know, I was…testing you.“Testing?” Bilbo repeated.“Yes! I was testing you,” Nori stuck his nose up in the air and sniffed obnoxiously. “And you failed.”“Failed?”“For Mahal’s sake- does this hallway have an echo?” Nori exclaimed.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Elrond Peredhel, Bilbo Baggins & Nori
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	Why are all the signs in Sindarin?

**Author's Note:**

> movies: *give none of the dwarves other than thorin and kili personality traits*
> 
> me: it's free real estate

It would take a blind man to be oblivious to the fact that Bilbo was way in over his head. What was he thinking, running off with thirteen dwarves to reclaim a kingdom? From a fire-drake no less! He loathed how much this journey reminded him that death is around every corner, but frankly, Bilbo is more afraid of how his father will react when he too finally returns to Yavanna’s green fields with the Baggin’s name absolutely tarnished with his adventuring nonsense. The ire of the dragon will be no match for one Bungo Baggins.

So there Bilbo sat, worrying both his mind and the sleeve of his snot-drenched coat, the latter in hopes of calming the former. After a few minutes, Bilbo realized just how disgusting the red coat he was wearing was and blanched at his actions, though they were subconscious. He took off the coat, folded it, but paused before placing it on the bed given to him by a Lord Elrond. Bilbo looked around the room. Much like hobbits, the elves of Rivendell seemed to hold personal hygiene as a high value in their society. As much as he didn’t want to put the stinking coat on the bed, there was nowhere else for it. 

“Unless I go wash it right away,” he mused to himself. Bilbo then caught scent of himself and almost puked. “Right. After I wash myself, that is.” Grabbing the coat once more and a nice change of clothes for later, Bilbo set out for a bathhouse or washroom of any kind.

As he walked out of his room he saw that the dwarves have set up camp outside the rooms Lord Elrond has graciously given to them. He huffed in annoyance. Did these Dwarves know nothing of hospitality? Not wanting to start any arguments with the less than friendly company he’s contracted to, Bilbo swiftly turned away from their merry gathering and started his search for a washroom. As he searched, Bilbo gazed in amazement at the beauty of the Hidden Valley. It was night and the full moon was uncharacteristically bright, giving a nice blue glow to his surroundings. Each corridor had a least one panoramic window, allowing him to see the entirety of the home from where he stood. Bilbo dearly hoped that the company would stay in Rivendell, for at least one more night. 

It wasn’t until ten minutes after basking in Rivendell's glory that he realized that he was hopefully lost; all the signs were in Sindarin too so he couldn't find his way back to his room either. “Just my luck,” Bilbo said bitterly. “I make fun of Master Oakenshield for being directionally challenged _once,_ and now I’ve caught his impairment like it’s some damn bug.”

A snort brings him out of his thoughts. Flustered, Bilbo turned around, only to see no one except statues painted in the pale blue moonlight. “Is someone there?” he called out. 

He only has to wait a second before Nori appears from around a corner, smiling at him. “Be at peace, Master Hobbit,” he says, arms placating. “It wasn’t my intention to intrude on yer musings.” 

Bilbo tensed at the sight of him. He can feel his ears warming up from embarrassment and he stutters out an apology. “N-Nori! I wasn’t- I didn’t mean-!” 

Nori laughed at his backpedaling. “No, seriously, Master Hobbit- it’s fine. It’s not like you aren’t saying anything that ain’t true,” he says, stepping towards him. Admittedly, Nori seems almost embarrassed for getting caught by the hobbit, but Bilbo could never be too sure about him. After finding out from Bofur that he was a thief for trade, Bilbo sought it best to steer clear of his company, just in case his coin purse suddenly went missing. “By now I think we all know to go in the opposite way our king directs us,” Nori continued. 

But now it seems his company was unavoidable.

“Still…just because it’s true doesn’t mean it wasn’t rude,” Bilbo told him halfheartedly. Because yes, though he was correct in saying that the dwarven king has no sense in direction, Bilbo shouldn’t be so immature and start talking bad behind his back. Eru knows that Master Oakenshield doesn’t think Bilbo worthy enough of his time, so as a Baggins he should just take the higher road and ignore the undeserving glares. 

Nori shrugged. “Well, it’s not like yer insultin’ me and my kin, so no harm, no foul.”

Bilbo nodded and awkwardly looked around. He saw that no one else here. “So, Nori… what are you doing so far from the company? Shouldn’t you be with the rest of the dwarves?”

“Dwarrows.”

Bilbo frowned at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“The plural form of dwarf ain’t dwarves. It’s dwarrows.” 

“Oh. I didn’t know,” Bilbo felt out of place talking to the dwarf with no one else around and he hoped the discomfort wasn’t showing on his face. As politely as he can, Bilbo asked again, “So, uh, why are you here again?” Bilbo squinted suspiciously at the dwarf. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“What? Can’t I just hang out with the Companies Burglar?” Nori asked incredulously.

Bilbo gave him a knowing look. “Since when do you and I hang out?”

“Since now, Master Hobbit!” Nori wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Us thieves and burglars have to stick together, ya know,” Nori said with a wink.

Bilbo did not buy it for a second and told him so.

The dwarf sighed. “Yer a pesky little thing, aren’t ya?” Nori untangled himself from Bilbo and straightened his tunic. “Well, Master Baggins, if you just _must_ know, I was…testing you.”

“Testing?” Bilbo repeated.

“Yes! I was testing you,” Nori stuck his nose up in the air and sniffed obnoxiously. “And you failed.”

“Failed?” 

“For Mahal’s sake- does this hallway have an echo?” Nori exclaimed.

Bilbo shook his head. “Hold on, you’re going to need to backpedal for me. What do you mean you were testing me? How have I failed?”

“One question at a time,” Nori berated. “And here I thought hobbits were patient folk.” Nori didn’t let Bilbo reply in kind and continued proudly, “As the company’s thief, I thought it would be best if I were to test yer abilities.” Nori states as he starts to encircle the shorter man. “And after ten minutes of following you, you never once noticed I was there, making you a terrible burglar indeed.” Nori looked with Bilbo faux disproval, chastising him as if he were a fauntling who just got caught stealing some mince pies that were sitting on a windowpane. Bilbo looked extremely unamused, but Nori didn’t stop. “Though yes, it is a burglar’s job to remain hidden, it is also important that they also are aware of their surroundings so they don’t get caught in the first place.” Nori’s eyes grew thin and cold. “How do you expect us to trust you to stay clear of a dragon if you can’t hear my bumbling ass following you down a corridor?”

Bilbo frowned. “Hey, to be fair, I did notice you in the end.”

“Oh please, you only caught me because I laughed!”

“Well, maybe I’ll just make the dragon laugh until it falls over!” Bilbo countered. In all honesty, Bilbo didn’t know where he was going with this argument. But with how Nori was berating him he just felt so riled up.

Nori looked as if he was caught between yelling at him at the absurdity of that statement or for how Bilbo wasn’t taking this seriously. Luckily, before the argument could get any uglier, a third voice cut in saying, “What’s this about a dragon?”

The two turned quickly and paled to see their generous host Lord Elrond standing stoically on their left. They each just stood there, staring until Bilbo muttered, “Maybe _you_ aren’t that good of a thief if you didn’t hear him right next to you, Nori.”

He got a good kick to the shin for that one but it was well worth it.

Lord Elrond coughed and tilted his head at the two of them, and it was then that Bilbo remembered that their host just asked them a question. Scrambling for an answer, Bilbo said, “Oh! W-well you see here, my Lord, Master Nori here was just telling me some _hilarious_ jokes about dragons while we looked for the bathhouses,” He laughed, albeit a little hysterically as he gestured to the change of clothes still in his hands.

Lord Elrond looked perplexed. “Is that so Master Hobbit?” Nori and Bilbo nodded their heads profusely. Lord Elrond looks to Nori, eyes scrutinizing. “Would you humor an elf, Master Dwarf? It’s been a long day and I could sure use a laugh myself.”

Nori felt his throat tighten up and he looked to Bilbo with eyes that screamed his death would be anything but merciless. Bilbo smiled back, genuinely enjoying himself for the first time since he joined this adventure. Nori then turned back to Lord Elrond and tried his best to give him a pleasant smile that Bilbo noted had far too many teeth to be considered anything pleasant. “W-well you see, Master Elf,” Nori stuttered uncharacteristically, “I would love to tell you some of my jokes,” Nori was finding it hard to look at an elf this long.

Lord Elrond frowned down at him unamused.

“But jokes about dragons just… _drag on_ way too long,” Nori cringed inside at the terrible pun while Bilbo cringed outwardly. 

_Really?_ Bilbo mouthed at him. Nori kicked him again. But their silent argument was interrupted once again by Lord Elrond, who was laughing uncontrollably. The two stared in shock as Lord Elrond not only laughed at Nori’s dreadful pun but was wiping actual tears away from his eyes. The burglar and the thief stayed standing, stunned at what they were seeing. After a few moments, The half-elf finally stopped laughing and thanked Nori for his humor.

“R-right! Because that was absolutely hilarious!” Nori agreed.

“Some of your best work!” Bilbo added, elbowing him in the stomach.

Nori grabbed his arm and he said so playfully, “Watch it Master Hobbit.” But Bilbo knew better and felt the fury behind the statement. 

“The bathhouses are nowhere near here unless you were thinking of taking a dip in my fountains again,” Lord Elrond said once he had fully calmed down.

“Not at all! We just got lost, my lord,” Bilbo said. “After all, all the signs are in Sindarin.” Bilbo had no idea how he and Nori were able to trick Lord Elrond and summed it up to the gods pitying this awkward interaction. He just hoped he’d be able to keep the act up.

Lord Elrond paused at that. “Yes, you are correct,” he looked at the two apologetically. “We don’t get visitors here in Imladris,” he conceded. “If it’s alright with you two, I’d be more than happy to escort you to the bathhouses,” He proposed.

“Ah, you can just take the halfling, Master Elf,” Nori said, this time not disguising his look of annoyance at the two of them under false pleasantries. He then patted Bilbo’s shoulder a little too hard to be considered friendly walked away. “I’m going back to my company.”

Bilbo watched him go and perked up as if suddenly remembered something. “Oh! Master Nori?” He inquired politely.

“What? Can’t you see I’m leaving?” Nori yelled at Bilbo. He’s had more than enough of that Hobbit today, and would very much like to be in the company of his dwarves at the moment. 

Bilbo feigned a shocked response and looked at the thief with wide eyes. “Nothing, Master Dwarf,” Bilbo said, smile turning sly. “I just thought you wanted this back.” He lifted the coat draped over his arm revealed a small knife. But this knife wasn’t just any small knife, it was _Nori’s._ Nori looked down to where it should have been fastened to his hip and back at the Hobbit disbelieving. Bilbo laughed at his expression wholeheartedly. He then chucked it at the dwarf who fumbled but managed not to cut himself while catching the weapon.

“W-watch it halfling!” Nori said, not knowing what else to say. It seems he misjudged the hobbit if he was able to steal off his person without the thief even knowing. But it wasn’t like he was going to tell him that; he had to maintain some dignity today.

“Oh, and that brings me to my last point Master Dwarf: It’s Hobbit, never halfing.” 

Nori was still in shock that the little weasel managed to steal _his_ knife that he looked at Bilbo in confusion. “Huh?”

Bilbo walked over to Lord Elrond who was watching this interaction with extreme pleasure. “I’m not half of anything,” he looked back up to the Elf and smiled earnestly. “You may lead the way, My Lord.” The two then walked away briskly, leaving the thief in the middle of the hallway with no direction on where to go. 

* * *

“That really was a dreadful pun,” Lord Elrond told Bilbo. The two have been walking in silence for a while now and the admittance made Bilbo falter. 

Bilbo looked up to him in confusion. “Then what was so funny?”

Elrond shrugged and Bilbo found it to be odd that the almost heavenly Elf would do something so casual. “Just the situation I guess.”

“So, you know why we are here?” Bilbo was warned by Balin to keep a tight lip on the nature of their surprise visit to Rivendell in fear that the elves here might stop them from continuing. 

“You are giving me far less credit than I’m due, Master Hobbit,” he said kindly. “I may be old, but this mind is sharper than ever,” Lord Elrond 

“I never said you were old, my lord!” Bilbo protested. The Half-elf merely chuckled and continued to lead the way. Multiple times he had to slow down because the Hobbit was mesmerized by the city. He would be walking and realize that the hobbit was a couple of steps behind him, staring wistfully out the windows. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Elrond said, looking out. The night was foggy, but not so they couldn’t see the magnificent valley in front of them. There was a waterfall that connected to a river whose water glistened like diamonds in the moonlight. Though it was a cool summer night, nothing felt cold about it.

Bilbo hummed. “I bet the view never gets old,” He turned back to Elrond. “I’ll make sure to visit when I can. After this whole adventuring business that is.”

“Rivendell will always be here,” Elrond amply supplied. “You are also more than welcome to stay if that’s what you wish.”

Bilbo looked to him, eyes unbelieving. “Truly?” Such an invitation was all he wished for as a fauntling. He remembers running to the woods with nothing but a picnic basket in his hands, claiming that he ‘wanted to have luncheon with the elves.’ His mother, of course, humored him and even encouraged this Tookish side of him, but soon the adventurous little fauntling grew up and became the respectable Baggins the Shire knew him as.

“I was raised to never say things I did not mean,” Elrond said, walking once more. “It’s been a long time since we had a hobbit visit the last homely house, Master Baggins.”

“Well then,” Bilbo said, catching up once more with his guide. “I’ll...keep that in mind.”

“Please do so.” The two walked for only a short time after that, talking about this and that as if they were old friends. Bilbo even gave Elrond some of his coveted Old Toby after the Elf admitted he only has tried Longbottom Leaf.

“Why- Longbottom leaf?! Surely the great Elven Lord of Rivendell has not been neglected the pleasure of smoking Old Toby?!” Bilbo cried, legitimately offended. Bilbo rummaged his pockets for his stash and gave it to Elrond.

The Elven lord laughed at his antics and politely declined. “No, I can’t possibly-

“Oh please, I insist,” Bilbo smiled and before Elrond could say no again, he stated, “At least as payment for taking me and my company in?” 

Lord Elrond looked torn but eventually gave in to the Baggins’ hospitality. “Very well, Master Baggins,” he took the parcel of tobacco. “Thank you.” 

Bilbo waved him off and realized that Lord Elrond had stopped walking. “Uh, Lord Elrond?”

“Here’s the bathhouse,” Lord Elrond said plainly. Bilbo peered around him and saw a simple building, one made of smooth stone and had 3 high windows where steam was trickling out. He could hear water falling from outside. Lord Elrond turned back to Bilbo. “Well, this is your destination.”

“So it is,” Bilbo agreed. “Thank you so much for leading me; I’m sure you had much better things to do with your time.”

“As a matter of fact, I didn’t. It’s quite late this summer night and I was just doing my usual patrol of the western wing. It has been a pleasure, Master Baggins,” Lord Elrond gave Bilbo a kind smile and then bowed to him.

Bilbo felt his eyes go wide at having the Elvish Lord bow to _him,_ a simple gentle-hobbit from the Shire. Luckily he reacted swiftly and bowed back, saying, “The pleasure was all mine, Lord Elrond.”

* * *

“Hey, Nori! Where’ve been?”

“Yeah! You missed supper!”

“Piss off!”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! please leave a comment or kudos! thank you!!!
> 
> follow me on tumblr at childofthekindlywest so we can talk about the hobbit and lotr


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